Why You're Stuck and How to Unlock Your Potential

In Part 3 of the 3-Part Unlock Your Potential series, we go from stuck to unlocked. If you’ve been feeling frozen, overwhelmed or unable to take that next step, this episode will show you exactly why and how to move forward.

In this episode, we explore:

 • Why feeling stuck isn’t a lack of motivation, it’s your brain trying to protect you
 • The hidden forces in your brain that keep you playing small, even when you want more
 • A simple shift that immediately reduces overwhelm and restores clarity
 • How one small word can reopen possibility and change how you approach challenges
 • Why small, intentional actions create real momentum and lasting change

Whether you’re thinking about making a bold career move, starting something new or simply getting unstuck in your daily life, this episode gives you practical, science-backed strategies you can use right away.

Transcript

Ep 76: Why You’re Stuck and How to Unlock Your Potential

Hello, everyone! Welcome to The Potentialist Podcast! I’m your host, Dr. Lee Koles. I’m an industrial/organizational psychologist, ICF- and Gallup-certified coach and your go-to for science-backed strategies to step into the most powerful version of yourself.

It’s Part 3 of my three-part Unlock Your Potential series! We’re taking a deep dive into the science of success so you can understand, unlock, and fully step into your potential. 

In Part 1 we debunked the myths surrounding potential that you didn’t even realize were holding you back. 

Part 2 was all about your hidden potential and the signals that are saying, “YES, you are meant for more.”

Today, we go from stuck to unlocked. This episode is about why we get stuck and how to break free. And, I know a lot about “stuck” - not just from a psychological perspective, but from personal experience. 

Right now, feel like I’m coming out of the most “stuck” phase of my life. I’ve shared with you about my dad’s struggle with Alzheimer’s and cancer. I had recorded my 72nd podcast episode while Dad was battling all this and finally decided I didn’t have the bandwidth, so I put my podcast on pause. That was over 3 years ago. 

Dad died a year after my podcast break and I wanted nothing more than to start it back up, but I just…couldn’t. Something kept me from starting it back up. I had no forward momentum, even though, intellectually, I really wanted to get back out there. 

But I was consumed by grief. (You guys, I had the world’s very best dad).

And then the time just ticked by. 

And it was like I was sinking deeper and deeper into quicksand. The more time passed, the more stuck I became. 

I could feel my potential slipping away. It felt like it was expiring, like a container of milk that had been left in the fridge for too long. 

Please know - the irony was not lost on me. Here I was, this person who recognizes potential in others and helps them to unlock it and accomplish remarkable things - and I couldn’t do the same for myself. 

The struggle made me feel awful about myself. I was embarrassed, ashamed and super annoyed - I’d berate myself, which would get me even more stuck.

It almost feels like a miracle that you’re listening to this podcast right now, because, behind this podcast is a story of pain, a break, deep sorrow, inertia, failure, self-flagellation and shame. There’s also the story of persistence, determination, forgiveness, reframing and growth. There was picking myself up and dusting myself off, taking small steps forward, building momentum and repeating that process until - well, until I did it. You’re listening to this podcast right now because I finally unlocked what was waiting to be expressed.

In this episode, we are GOING there. 

You're going to learn about why you’re feeling stuck and how to break free so you can accomplish the things you’ve been wanting to do for so long . I’m going to share simple strategies that work - that worked for me - so you can move forward and live your life the way YOU want - without anxiety, fear and apprehension. 

I want you to be able to DO those things you’ve been thinking about, like:

• Making that next bold move in your career
• Hanging up your shingle and starting your own business
• Finally establishing boundaries to protect your family/friends time instead of working nonstop
• Or maybe it’s - Finally sticking with an exercise plan so you can feel your best

By the end of this episode, you’re going to understand yourself at a deeper level and realize that you are not alone in your challenges. You’re going to be able to feel that “click” as you unlock your potential and all the possibilities ahead of you.

Are you ready?

Let’s do this.

Adam Alter, author of the fabulous book, “Anatomy of a Breatkthrough,” surveyed hundreds of people from a wide variety of backgrounds and diverse circumstances and found that being stuck is ubiquitous. Every single person said that they were stuck in at least one aspect of their life, whether it was that they were stuck in a bad relationship, not moving forward in their career, not making progress with their savings, incapable of losing weight or getting healthy - you name it. 

The bottom line: you are not alone if you’re feeling stuck. Look around you - every person you see right now - each is walking around in some state of stuck. 

It’s happening to ALL of us, which means that being stuck isn't just a mindset issue. It’s a human issue. And, there’s a science behind it. Let me give you the tea on “the science of stuck.”

That decision to “go for it” - to take the next step and unlock your potential -  activates some of the most powerful parts of our brain—specifically, those tied to fear, motivation, and decision-making.

So if you’re beating yourself up because you feel stuck, even when you know what you need to do, you can stop now. You’re not ineffective. You’re not lazy. You just have a highly functioning human brain that is trying to protect you.

Way back, back when our ancestors were all living in caves, many things - animals, weather, illness – were a threat to our existence. We survived because of our ability to communicate, work together, form strong social bonds, and pass down knowledge from one generation to the next. It was vital to be accepted by others because being thrown out of our tribe meant certain death. Our minds evolved to fear being judged or doing the wrong thing. 

So, when you decide to step into a more visible leadership role, or throw your hat in the ring for a new opportunity, or walk away from work that’s no longer fulfilling, your brain panics. 

We’re navigating today’s world with a mind that is still programmed with our primitive fears. 

Our brain never got the message that it's 2026. 

Our brains are wired for safety, not growth. The part of our brain responsible for keeping us alive - the amygdala - sees uncertainty as a threat. So even if you’re stuck in a role, routine, a pattern of thought or an identity that’s unfulfilling, that's because your brain interprets “staying put” as safer than stepping out into something new. Change requires effort, risk and energy - and your brain’s default is to avoid all three.

Then there’s your prefrontal cortex. Do something with me: Take your hand, spread your fingers out wide and grab the whole front of your head and forehead. Under your hand, right now, is your prefrontal cortex. That’s the part of your brain that’s in charge of decision-making, planning and focus. It helps us set goals and imagine new possibilities. Give it a nice, loving squeeze - this is the part of the brain that helps us achieve remarkable things.

Here’s the catch: When we’re overwhelmed, stressed or exhausted, the amygdala hears the alarm and hijacks the brain from the prefrontal cortex. Forget rational thought - in high stress situations, rational thought isn’t important. So, the prefrontal cortex, our “thinking brain” goes offline and the amygdala, our “survival brain”, takes over. That’s when we lose clarity. Stop imagining. That’s when we play small. And all that can feel like, “Stuck.”

You feeling stuck isn’t actually wrong or bad. It’s not about laziness or lack of ambition. It’s your brain doing its very best to protect you from possible harm.

Are you ready for the good news: The human brain is designed to go from stuck to unlocked. Because we were designed with neuroplasticity - the brain’s ability to adapt and change. You can rewire your brain to work with you, not against you when you’re stepping into something new. Let’s look at what you can do to calm your brain’s fear response so you can break free and unlock your potential. 

Step 1 is: Thank your brain.

You heard me.

Yes, I know this sounds dumb, but stay with me. Take a pause and thank your brain for all the work it has been doing. Acknowledge it. And thank it. Thank your brain for putting on the brakes to make sure all is good and safe before you set off on a new path of growth.

Why? Because this simple step turns off the alarms, silences the bells and whistles and lowers the red flags. You acknowledge that your brain’s message has been received. 

My friend, the self-described “brain science nerd,” Kristin Graham, likens this to closing out the tabs or windows on your computer screen. Just acknowledging what your brain is telling you allows it to relax - and close a tab.

When you stop, acknowledge the alarms and give a thank you, you diffuse the tension and you step into the driver’s seat. You prep your brain for some rewiring that’s going to allow for growth and the opening up of new possibilities.

Step 2: Identify the feeling of stuck

What I mean is, name the negative emotion you’re feeling.

One of the fastest ways to regain control when you’re feeling overwhelmed is naming your emotions out loud.

Research out of UCLA found that when people labeled what they were feeling—for example, saying, ‘I feel anxious,’ or ‘I feel uncertain’—the amygdala’s activity decreased and the people were able to regain cognitive control. It’s like telling your brain, ‘I see you. I know you’re stressed. But I’ve got this.’

Try it right now: name one emotion that has been coming up for you as you consider unlocking your potential. 

Maybe you’ve been thinking about moving to a different city - one with greater opportunity. And every time you think of this, you feel anxious. You know moving will open up career opportunities, but that feeling of anxiety keeps you held fast. Just identifying that feeling - “anxious” - and saying the world outloud “anxious” brings it out of the shadows of your brain and lets you examine it. 

Naming your emotion, considering it with curiosity and acknowledging it will calm the amygdala, dull the fear response and give yourself a little more mental clarity. 

So when you feel stuck or overwhelmed, don’t ignore it or push it down. Or tell yourself, “I’m FINE!” (Do you know what FINE stands for…?).

Pause and name it. This simple habit can help you think more clearly and make better decisions.

So now, you’ve acknowledged what’s going on in your brain - made it less personal. 

Step 3 is: Prepare for the Unlocking

You’re getting your brain ready for rewiring. The power of language preps the brain and paves the way for new ideas and actions to become real.

It’s the small things you do and say that help you hear the “click” of the unlock.

In fact, there’s one word that has extraordinary power when it comes to unlocking human potential.

I’m talking about the word, “yet.”

It’s only three letters, but psychologically it can change the way your brain interprets challenge, failure, and growth.

It’s kind of amazing, really, that this one word can alter how you think and feel. 

Let me show you what I mean. I’m going to do an experiment right now so you can feel it for yourself. 

I’ll say a statement and you repeat after me. If you’re in a place where you can say it aloud, do it. If not, whisper it or say it really firmly in your head. 

As you say it, pay attention to how your body reacts, what you feel and how and where you’re feeling it. Ready? Here’s our first statement: 

“I can’t do this.” Now it’s your turn to say it: “I can’t do this.”

Now, we’re going to add the magic word: “I can’t do this… yet.” Your turn: “I can’t do this YET.”

Do you feel that shift?

For me, the “yet” turns down the tension dial in my body a notch. Something in my chest calms and loosens up - just a bit, but enough that I can feel a little bit of relief. 

Let’s do this again - Repeat along with me:

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know - yet.”

“I’m not sure of my next step.”

“I’m not sure of my next step - yet.”

Feel the difference?

The first statement slams a door shut. It tells your brain the story is over. There’s nothing more to explore.

The second one - with a YET - leaves the door open. Even if it’s just a crack, it signals possibility. It tells your brain that the story is still unfolding. It’s far from over.

This little exercise is rooted in the groundbreaking research of renowned psychologist Carol Dweck. She spent decades studying the beliefs that shape human achievement. Her research on the growth mindset shows that when we understand our abilities can grow and change, we begin to approach challenges, effort, and failure in completely different ways. She demonstrated that even a small shift of language, like adding the word, “yet” can reopen the door to possibility.

When people adopt what Dweck calls a growth mindset, challenges become information. They become part of the learning process.

That’s where the word yet becomes so powerful.

It reframes failure.

Instead of saying:

“I’m not good at this.”

You begin to say:

“I’m not good at this… yet.”

That small shift changes the meaning of the experience.

Now mistakes aren’t verdicts. They’re feedback.

Setbacks aren’t dead ends. They’re stepping stones.

And, neuroscience supports this idea, again, through the process of neuroplasticity. Every time you learn something new, practice a skill, or struggle through a challenge, your brain forms and strengthens neural pathways.

In other words, the abilities you don’t have today may simply be the abilities you haven’t developed yet.

Your brain is designed to learn and adapt throughout your entire life.

The word, “yet” creates psychological space.

It signals to your brain that learning is still possible. That growth is still unfolding.

And that the story of what you’re capable of is not finished.

Because the difference between impossible and not yet is the difference between limitation and potential.

“I don’t have the experience.”
 “I don’t have the experience…yet.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”
 “I don’t know how to do that…yet.”

“I’m not strong enough.”
 “I’m not strong enough…yet.”

As Dr. Dweck asserted, "People with the growth mindset know that it takes time for potential to flower."

And now to our 4th step to go from stuck to breaking free and unlocking that potential:

Step 4 is: Score small wins

Your brain isn’t built for massive change all at once. But it IS build to rewire itself through small, repeated actions. That’s the neuroplasticity - our brains can change! When we start tuning into our strengths, shifting our habits and making intentional choices, we carve out new neural pathways. We literally rewire our brains to move from default to design. 

Each microstep you take - whether it’s reframing a negative thought, having a courageous conversation or simply choosing to act from your strengths, is YOU reinforcing a new neural pathway. 

And those neural pathways get paved even faster when your brain gets a hit of dopamine - dopamine is a feel-good chemical we release when we experience a sense of progress, reward or satisfaction. This is why small wins matter so much. Every time you take meaningful action, no matter how small, your brain gets a hit of dopamine and registers the success. That dopamine hit not only feels good - it makes you more likely to do it again.

This is how change happens. Not through massive overnight transformation, but through steady, intentional, strengths-fueled steps that your brain WANTS to keep repeating.

You’re not just moving forward - you’re rewiring yourself for growth. 

I want you to think about a step you can take to move towards a goal. Now, cut it in half. And then, cut it in half again. Keep cutting that step to make it uncomfortably small and simple. 

For example, if your goal is to run 3 miles every morning, your first step isn’t going to be to get out of bed and run three miles. Cut that goal in half and now your goal is: Run 1 ½ miles every morning. No - too big. Cut that in half - now your goal is to run almost a mile every morning. Still too big. Make it even smaller - we’re talking super small. A great first goal would be, get out of bed and put on your running shoes. And that’s it! Let that be the win at first. Be proud of yourself for getting out of bed and putting on the shoes. The dopamine will hit and a new neural pathway will begin to be forged.

When I was trying to get unstuck after pausing this podcast for 3 years, I told myself, “I’m going to get out of the house, away from distractions, go to a cafe, sit down and re-start my podcast. Know what happened? I left the house, set myself up at my favorite cafe…got all my snacks and coffee, put them around my computer… and froze. I was overwhelmed. Stuck. Even though I had carved out all this time for myself! 

But the step was just too big. When was I going to get that hit of dopamine? At the very end of the day?! So, I set the timer on my phone for 10 minutes. And I worked on the podcast for 10 minutes. My brain knew that all I needed to do to achieve success was work for 10 minutes without distractions. When my alarm went off, it was like a little victory - with a hit of dopamine! I took a break and congratulated myself. And reset the timer. Again. And again. The rhythm kept me moving forward.

We often fool ourselves into thinking we have to do something BIG - make a huge shift - to gather momentum. It’s actually the opposite. Small wins compound and sprinkle your brain with dopamine.

A great phrase I heard - that I like to repeat to myself - is “Some is better than none.” An “all or nothing” mindset will often get you…Nothing! “Some is better than none” gives you permission to take small steps that will eventually lead you to your goals:

Too tired to work out? Take a walk around the block. Some is better than none.

Overwhelmed by your Inbox? Answer just ONE email you’ve been avoiding. Some is better than none.

Too drained for “me” time? Step outside for 2 minutes of fresh air. Some is better than none.

Stuck on a tough project? Open the document and write one messy paragraph. Some is better than none.

Small wins compound. That’s how you move from stuck to unlocked. From default to design. One simple, intentional step at a time. 

That “click” of the initial unlocking comes with the gift of one small step. The tinier the better! One small win. Then another. Look at what I did - I got back on the podcast horse! And I’m so glad I did so that we could spend some time together today.

So, to recap, there are very small, simple, intentional steps to go from stuck to unlocked.

First, thank your brain. This turns off the alarms and lowers the red flags.

Next, identify the feeling of “stuck”. When you name the emotion outloud, you demystify it and diminish its power. You tell your brain’s alarm system, “Don’t worry - I’ve got this.”

Step 3 is: Prepare for unlocking. Shift your language - what you’re saying to yourself - to tap into a growth mindset. Use that little word, “yet” to feel a big shift.

And, finally, Step 4 is: Score Small Wins. Rewiring the brain requires tiny steps, not big ones. Think about the smallest steps you can take to achieve a goal. And remember, “some is better than none.”

I hope you’re feeling a little better now than you were when you first hit “play” on this episode. You are meant for great things and you were meant to feel happy and fulfilled. I’m excited for all that awaits you. Remember, you already have everything you need inside you. I’m just here to help you unleash it. 

Take good care and we’ll talk again soon.